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Licensed Animals

My dog’s on lithium,
Milkbone lithium
‘cause the capsules
just aren’t workin’.

7 milligrams, he’s not responding
and the side effects are tremendous.
He’s already ballooned up to 300 lbs.
Far too heavy for the skateboard I bought him.

Some days when he swings real low,
he’ll stare from the canal bridge we cross
during our walks, and stare at his reflection
in the water below - stone still.
Then he’ll pass out and not stir for the next 72 hours.

When he gets better, he rebounds just a tad bit too far.
And turns into turbo humper - with a sex drive that
exceeds his canine peers by twelve orders of magnitude.

Trouble is, with a 300 pound horny dog,
nothing’s safe; my best friend had to have
his leg amputated above the knee.

I just don’t know what I should do.
I could always switch his medication
I mean - only if he isn’t the perfect candidate for lyposuction.


John Ejaife II

This poem is appearing in the Book
Spinning About Three Axes

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